Helpful McHelpfulpants

I release balloons into the sky and stare until the atmosphere has swallowed them and they are drowning in the sun. I very much like this opening, but the 'until' ...

glistening, skinned fruit – they lie on the dissecting trays still and unmoving, Still and unmoving? Redundant, that seems, and not to great effect. like disciplined children. fluking tubes, arterie

Open your mouth, I want to see your tongue, lolling and pink against the yellowed white of your teeth. Are you using again? Have I lost you? I like this ...

It's a funny name. Alone of the familial addresses, it wants an article for completeness, a hinging my or the to protect it from sticking its foot in its mouth ...

This poem really strongly reminded me of something, and I'm trying to remember what. Mostly, it's the imperative line-by-line format that does it, but still. There are some lovely turns ...

The Leaf As the golden sheets sway in the cooling breeze One is torn from its origins and swirls downward. In dismay, it stares up to where it had begun. ...

That ...drown, I got lost after 'down'; please, a little more guidance in the way of punctuation? made ... trampled. Wish on a star, I think. 'Too hazy for the ...

slippery roots, wood spongy and pelted with moss, teaparty I misread pelted the first time as the verb rather than the adjective, which led, let me tell you, to quite ...

I really have nothing useful to say because god, I love this. I love the narrator, and everything that goes utterly unsaid, and the imagery which is outlined but not ...

The grass leaks With emerald-green light Drop the with, and come up with a different word than emerald -- most grass isn't emerald green really. I do like the idea ...

When all of life is darkness, And I can't find a glimpse of light, When troubles seem unending, And hatred clouds my sight, Unoriginal, but very good rhythm, except for ...

The cunning use of reverse psychology to lure in the reader is the best part of this, not gonna lie. You need to play around a little more with some ...

Something in the Water I didn’t know what to do with Derek’s remains. I hated people who displayed urns on their mantle pieces like trophies. Also, our house didn’t have ...

Thanks, Jasmine. Jemima: which lines?

You did not long consider the clear shallow water hemming the river, or the texture of the shining grit that you would walk away with, stolen in pinches stuck between ...